All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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