The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
