I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
