Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
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