i'm lost and i look like a hooker
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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