In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
