I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize