Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
