Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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