We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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