dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
