Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
