Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
