I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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