i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
