my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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