We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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