In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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