now i know why i became what i already was.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
