You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
