Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
She even gives head with a lisp.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
