got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
