I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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