i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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