Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize