Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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