halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
