it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.