i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Remember the time you cried about coconuts