did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.