i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
