just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you