i would punch a child for taco bell
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
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he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.