tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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