I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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