dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
