That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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