He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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