Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
