I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
vagina is talking i cant
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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