I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
