I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
