Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
