Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize