If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
