Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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