Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
