the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
