Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
