4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
