how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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