I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
