you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
