I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
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