I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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