I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
