the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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