drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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