How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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