hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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