Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
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dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
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I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
My vagina is officially offended.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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