Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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