i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
