I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
