my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
