im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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