I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
