This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
