Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Randomize
