I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
