I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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