i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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