i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
