doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
