oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
