i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
